drunkkdcatholic

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 02:38:32 GMT

so basically i am a horrable person..
and im writing this because i want to!
not because im directing this to anyone..
or because i feel bad about something i did.
i am cridical about everyone and i judge people constantly...
i dont know how i have any friends what so ever.
i mean im meanest to them and they just take my shit and listen to it.
and i love each and everyone of them.
and you honestly have a heart of gold to still be by my side...

jess- im mean to you all the time and i mean you out of everyone i arrgue the most with but i would never ever want our freidship to end because of me and know that... because you have been there for me and i dont tell you everything that i want to but i will in time lol and i knowi get pissed at you the most too but thats cuz i care about you most.

meghan- to stand by me they way you did durning crew is amazing in itself. i honestly complained about everything and everyone and you listened to ever worrd of it! given if you hadnt been there then i wouldnt have gone though it and quit! thanks!! i hope this year is just as amazing... your an amazing friend to have and i never want to loss you.

those of you who know me and love me anyways... thank you! with out you id just be the bitter, angery, fat chick who yelled to much and didnt have any friends! i might not always show it but you guys mean the world to me and idk if i would be here if i didnt have you... you guys get me through th day and thats not just directed and jess and meghan thats to everyone! you guys have hearts of gold and i love you ...

Sat, 18 Aug 2007 06:40:48 GMT

today is august 18, 2007
so its been more then 10 months since i've seen
talk too
or heard your voice.
and not a day has gone by were i havent thought about you
and wondered where you are now
and are you ok
theres not a day that goes by where dont regret tellin you exactly how i felt about you...
MetalHd133: u no its funny u say that ...
cuz me n jess were talking last nitie and we were both saying ...
everybody we tak to about u doesnt reeli think of u that way ...
w/e big deel ur big ...
so waht its nebody elses problem not urs ..
jess was tellin me it runs in the family ..
and lyk its not a problem ..
will kys u too i no he does ...
and i no will u prolly no him better but ...
will snot shallow
and he does care and he can look past the outside which he has i no he has ..
everybody loves ur soo niice and ur lyk always ahppy and helping ppl ...
ur not fat ur naturally big and theres no problem w/ that at all ...
MetalHd133: but im glad u can laff about ur siize ...
i dont think of u that way eether i dont even notice it ...
MetalHd133: ur personality shows brighter than ne of ur physical feethures
the only conversation i ever saved that i had with you.
you made me feel so good about myself
and you were probally one of the biggest pricks i knew
you treated a good amount of people like shit
but you know what?
thats why people i loved you so much
thats what made you you.
and thats why i love you and miss you terrably.
tonight i couldnt stop thinking about you
and ill never forget your name.
Keith E. Kuznik.
till the day that i die you'll always be
in my heart
in my thoughts
and even in my prayers
because your exactly like me in so many ways
that ill never change who i am.

Sun, 22 Jul 2007 16:47:41 GMT

so basically i've spent [spending] my summer working
and its lame i can see my friends as much as id like
but then again the staff members i work with
and the kids make it all worth while
cuz ive been thinking about it
and the kids i spend my day with
i would die for them
and i dont know what i would do
if anything would ever happen to them
and then theres the people i work with
and honestly mose of them make my day
but then there others that make me wanna snap
but all in all my summa has been prettty amazing.
i mean i $ is like a added bonus haha

Tue, 29 May 2007 04:53:44 GMT

so i strongly dislike goin to church
i dont believe in that religion so much these days
its more of a reincarnation type deal with me :]
but there is one thing i like about church...
the old people!
given i have to sit there for an hour and a half
and i cant do much other then think....
so i try and think about what these guys do know that their old
like theres one guy that sits a few pews in front of us and almost every week he has a band-aid on his head
and i cant help but wonder what happened?
did he fall?
is he senial?
is it just there so rondom people start conversations with him?
who knows?
and then theres this one lady that walks in there
and she always looks like a whore
but like an old lady whore?
shes got the leporde print shirts and the low cut tanktop underneith
and a skirt cut just above the knee
and she still colors her hair
even though shes like 75
and you know thats clearly not her hair color
but she does it anyway lol
and then theres one guy that sits a few rows from the back
he almost looks identical to my grandfather
and i just stare at him
think about him and what his life is like
and idk it honestly cheers me up :]
and im not even sure why.
now my grandfather is just about the only person that i have respected
my entire life
hes just the most amazing man i know
and that past year hes been very very sick
and my whole familys been woried about him
and i dont know if hes ever gonna get better
and its putting my grandmother and uncles through hell
including me :[
but seeing this guy just makes me happy
cuz unlke me my grandpa is very religious
and i think if he would go anywhere
it would be church, ya know?
the storys that i think up looking at this man are unbelievable.
maybe it is him but like a part of him thats at church?
idk... its crazy.
i wish he would get better : /
but seeing this guys makes me think about him
and seeing this guys out and about
makes me think its my grandfather out and about
idk it makes sence to me?

Tue, 15 May 2007 02:10:26 GMT

blah.
blah.
blah.
blah.
blah.
boys are complicated.
and i think that i really do care about one impaticulare. (i cant spell :[)
he makes me happy
when no one else can
and gives me a reason to go to school.
infact sometimes i go through a certain door in the morning
in hopes of him walking with me, leaving his girlfriend behind.
which he does do sometimes...
but it could just be cuz we'er friends.
hes a good guy and i do care about him
but i might care about him too much
to go out with him
and risk losing him
he might know i like him
he might not
but the truth is i dont want him to know i like him
i want him to be completely and uttery obvioulsiou to me haveing feeling for him
that sir / ma'am i how much i truely care about him : /

Wed, 09 May 2007 20:17:11 GMT

life is good.
other then its hotter then hell out side.
i wish i had a pool...
or a lake? ha
so im starting to think
that i have a thing for some one very colse to me.
and i dont want to like him.
i really dont.
but how can you just stop liking some one?
idk ill just have to try real hard.
because nothing good can come from me having a thing for him.
and im deff. not gonna make a move.
but if he made a move maybe.
but other then this...
life is good.

Sun, 29 Apr 2007 23:16:34 GMT

so i <3 nature walks....
they make me happy.
a bird ate out of my hand
and a turkey was like less then a foot an a half away from me.
it was mad exciting.
i need to do that more often...
just to clean my head even. :]
today was a good day!

Sat, 28 Apr 2007 01:55:47 GMT

bourgade
was amazing tonight.
it was a great time.
my bff phil finally got hear them.
and some chick threw her bra on stage?
haha it was great...
megah slaped me in the face :[ lol
and [BPC] like always did any amazing job
tearing shit up. haha
i hope its not the last bourgade show
me and phil go too:]

just because you kiss a lot, don't mean you're in love.

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 03:00:17 GMT

maybe i will give him a chance...
maybe he is this really nice guy.
or maybe hes just saying this to make feel better.
who knows?

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 23:21:34 GMT

ahhh life sucks...
but semi-better.
i still dont exsist when your around certain people,
but what more can i do.
our friendship
and all the good times
and everything we did
and all the shit that was said
and the countless times i was there for you
and you were there for me...
just went down the drain in what, a month?
its like nothing i say anymore matters.
i try to start a conversation and you laugh but dismiss everything.
how the hell does one of the best things that i have had in a while dissappear like that???
its carzy, but that just seems to be a pattern with me.
idk... ill suck it up though.
you dont even care.
well you wont care untill your besty friend shits on you <B>AGAIN</B>
then ill be your bff again like always.
cuz thats what i do.
i take shit day after day.
except from one person and i <33 him.
he says stuff but he feels really bad afterwards. its more funny than anything.
where would i be without him right now?
hes deffinatly a friend you can count on.
like vipper.
she amazing all on her own.
you saved me a couple times this year.
and i own you alot.
thank you. my dearest vipper. :]

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 23:51:38 GMT

ahhh things had been shitty the past couple months....
i just want to go back two months ago when it was as if nothing could go wrong.
but i dont think that thats ever gonna happen.
right now things could be better... alot better.
and i hate being lame like this i really do.
but its like everything sucks and no matter what i do or say
everything get disregaurded and nothing changes.
two months ago i had a bffeaeaeaeaeae that would bend over backwards for me
but now all i have is a friend that will hangout wif me if it fits her scedual.
and she has time between her neighbor and bf
even though i didnt do anything wrong im just getting treated like shit.
but im not gonna bring it up, no sir.
cuz i did once and absolutrly nothing changed.
even though i was in tears and actually telling someone how fucking shity i feel.
they just went back to not giving a shit and just being like whateva.
which is why i feel like shit and lame at the same time cuz writting this
wont make and difference in how i get treated or feel...
might as well fall back into old habbits.
ahhhhh l-a-m-e.

Sun, 15 Apr 2007 01:44:36 GMT

so its funny
when something goes so wrong
in a relationship
or a friendship
that no matter what
it wont be the same ever again.
or atleast for a long time.
ok, so maybe its not so much funny as much as it is depressing. lol
and still i laugh.
it all goes back to that horrable person thing. but anyways....
im planning a party.
i dont know if i want to keep it small....
or go big. lol
its gonna be good though.
idk who i want there but i do know who i dont. *cough cough*
its june 9th (day AFTER prom)
good thing im not goin, huh? lol
i do know, i want a couple of my closest friends there wheather or not i have a big thing .
so that means like its a for-sure 5 people lmao i know i know im populare.
and like another 15-20 if its a big thing.
and im not tight with these 15-20 people so its still in the air.
id like to have a big thing but its a lot of work and idk if i wanna put in all that effort lol.
maybe we'll do a thing with like 10-15 closeish people. lol
yeah thats better.
maybe if i invite the crush he'll be able to take a hint in that i like him... lmao probally not.
oh well.

Sat, 14 Apr 2007 01:30:34 GMT

so i cry 3 days in a row that a record since keith.
i just dont want to be anywhere near lancaster right now.
i can almost say that i can really whole heartedly hate some one
which is an accomplishment. lmao
theres probally only a few people i can truly say i care about....
that would probally be meghan and kim and val.
which is cool cuz i haveve only known meghan and kim for more the a couple months and idk where id be without them right now.
idk how to feel about alot of things right nnow.
kinda just want to do absolutly nothing
it shitty to think i can live with out one if my best friends
cuz i dont think i really can
i just want to feel like i can
cuz that would be a relief from what ive been feeling when im around then.
i mean there only so much a person can take before they break right?
its just a matter of how much a person wants to be shit on....

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 20:26:33 GMT

i want nothing to do with you...
you've shit on me more then once and im done.
i hate you and i dont know what im gonna do to get away from you.
you dont care about anything and dont take anything seriously
youve honestly treated me like nothing but shit and im not gonna sit here and take it anymore
im done you and your new found love can have funn and never see me again
i know how im reall bad for your all relationship and all
cuz your relationship isnt anything but bull shit.....
fucking- a.

Sun, 25 Mar 2007 05:00:27 GMT

so the past few days have been good.
nothing too eventful has happened.
i still <33 him.
but im 98% sure nothing is gonna happen.
which is a shame
cuz i really do like him lol
damn my lack of outgoingness

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 00:14:37 GMT

im sick....
sick to my stomache
and sick of people.
im find myself having a short fuse more and more
and its deffinately not a good thing
but the people i know and care about me most put up with me
and dont care. and i can truely say i love them.
and the people that dont give a fuck
i can see my self living with out them
and im not even upset about it.
at all.
idk. its weird.
you think id be a little sad. atleast. but im not. lol

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 20:31:22 GMT

so basically...
i confuse myself alot.
i like i hate a crush on a boy if there just nice to me lol
cuz believe it or not i got get that alot
i dont mean every boy
just like one or 2
so i think im setting my self up just to be let down again.
damn.

and tonight was a gooood night.
i have a thing for this kid in my choir and every time i see him i smile.
and i wish we had a better relationship
but i sont like making a move.
and i was hoping he would but i dont think hes gonna.
and im not. haha
well see.

and then theres phil.
and hes my bff guy friend.
i pretty sure if i had a problem he would be the guy i run to.
he usually makes everything better
im glad we'er good friends now,

i might not make my confirmation.
which is lame cuz thats what the family wants
i dont give a damn if i make it or not.
papa's gonna be pissed though.
if im come in to school tomorrow with a black eye... you know why. lmao

ANTI-FLAG & ALEXISONFIRE

Tue, 13 Mar 2007 04:09:11 GMT

so sunday night was by far the best night i have had in a looong time!!!
<3 set your goals
<3 big d
<3 ALEXISONFIRE
<3 and ANTI-FLAG
did absolutly amazing.
it was at the town ballroom in buffalo.
which is a very nice place by the way (was my 1st time)
and me and jess fellows were like 3-4 feet from the very front.
the first band did real good.
they definatly set a mood from the show and got everyone into it.
then you had big d who were a sca band and put on a good profamance...
when the lead singer came out into the crown and was crowd surfing while singing.
then there was <3ALEXISONFIRE<3 who was great.
they did amazing!!!
and finally <33ANTI-FLAG<33 who did an amazing job saying everything they wanted to say in between songs,
about war and everything. which i though was amazing. they were totally radtacular. everyone was

durning the show i got the shit beaten out of me.
the whole time i was worried about jess or ali getting hurt. lol
but it was worth it.
i was mad pumped for alexisonfire and when they come out i was just so excited!
they sounded really good and i had to keep fighting for my spot in the front. but it was totally worth it.
then when they finished we went to get a drink durning the break and i got 2 bottles of water and i finished them on the spot.
i was dieing.
then we went back in for anti-flag.
and we had to put up another fight to get through the pit cuz thats the only wat you can get through.
and we got over to the far right where chris #2 was singing and i got like 30 pictures of him and justin sane.
then i put my camera away cuz i thought i might drop it. and i would have cried if that happened. lol
so they put on a few more songs and then chris #2 put this hat on and sang some with it on
and given he looked amazing with it on so i was like "hey, im gonna take a picture of this".
so i go to take my camera out and he goes to take it of so i put my camera away and he throws it out to the crowd...
and i cought it!!!!
given i had to fight someone for it, but it was totally worth it.
after the show we got food and we were dieing. everything hurt.
all you herd was a constant ringing sound in the back of you head.

now its monday night.. i had to go to school this morning and i was dieing. but i showed off my pictures
and my hat lol
i wouldnt have given up that night for anything in the world!

i hope they come back to buffalo. soon. lol
bye.

Thu, 08 Mar 2007 03:56:54 GMT

so basically im a horrable person.
i put people down constently.
even the ones closest to me.
idk why i do it .
perhas its because i have no one really close to me
like a boyfriend cuz i suposed
that could fill a void im missing
but nobody like the mean chick
that hates the world.
given if you get to know me then you know im sarcastic
and funny
and 87 joking around
but you brush that shit off
but people dont give me that chance.
and i guess its my fault in a sence
but its not completely my fault.
people suck.
i just say whats on my mind.
you could say im britaly honest.
but thats me!
im not the pretty girl that just nice to everyone
even the people i hate.
given i dont judge people right away
everyone getsa chance when it come to me
but idk pople jump to comclusion abut me.
its just a lose lose situation for me all around, huh?

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 03:27:48 GMT

so i started a live journal.
so now when i rant
i dont have to run to anyone.

but anyways... theres this boy.
lol ofcourse. and i have known this kid since... 7th? grade.
given we're not bff.
but we talk lol
and im kinda starting to like him.
but its weird cuz hes like the funny man.
you never see him with a girl...
cuz most would say hes not boyfriend material.
but idk. i can see him as a boyfriend.
maybe its just cuz i want to see him as that.
but i really hope something comes from this.
hes just makes me happy...
well see.