so basically i am a horrable person..
and im writing this because i want to!
not because im directing this to anyone..
or because i feel bad about something i did.
i am cridical about everyone and i judge people constantly...
i dont know how i have any friends what so ever.
i mean im meanest to them and they just take my shit and listen to it.
and i love each and everyone of them.
and you honestly have a heart of gold to still be by my side...

jess- im mean to you all the time and i mean you out of everyone i arrgue the most with but i would never ever want  our freidship to end because of me and know that... because you have been there for me and i dont tell you everything that i want to but i will in time lol and i knowi get pissed at you the most too but thats cuz i care about you most.

meghan- to stand by me they way you did durning crew is amazing in itself. i honestly complained about everything and everyone and you listened to ever worrd of it! given if you hadnt been there then i wouldnt have gone though it and quit! thanks!! i hope this year is just as amazing... your an amazing friend to have and i never want to loss you.

those of you who know me and love me anyways... thank you! with out you id just be the bitter, angery, fat chick who yelled to much and didnt have any friends! i might not always show it but you guys mean the world to me and idk if i would be here if i didnt have you... you guys get me through th day and thats not just directed and jess and meghan thats to everyone! you guys have hearts of gold and i love you ...

Current Music: a fine frenzy - almost lover

today is august 18, 2007
so its been more then 10 months since i've seen
talk too
or heard your voice.
and not a day has gone by were i havent thought about you
and wondered where you are now
and are you ok
theres not a day that goes by where dont regret tellin you exactly how i felt about you...
MetalHd133: u no its funny u say that ...
cuz me n jess were talking last nitie and we were both saying ...
everybody we tak to about u doesnt reeli think of u that way ...
w/e big deel ur big ...
so waht its nebody elses problem not urs ..
jess was tellin me it runs in the family ..
and lyk its not a problem ..
will kys u too i no he does ...
and i no will u prolly no him better but ...
will snot shallow
and he does care and he can look past the outside which he has i no he has ..
everybody loves ur soo niice and ur lyk always ahppy and helping ppl ...
ur not fat ur naturally big and theres no problem w/ that at all ...
MetalHd133: but im glad u can laff about ur siize ...
i dont think of u that way eether i dont even notice it ...
MetalHd133: ur personality shows brighter than ne of ur physical feethures
the only conversation i ever saved that i had with you.
you made me feel so good about myself
and you were probally one of the biggest pricks i knew
you treated a good amount of people like shit
but you know what?
thats why people i loved you so much
thats what made you you.
and thats why i love you and miss you terrably.
tonight i couldnt stop thinking about you
and ill never forget your name.
Keith E. Kuznik.
till the day that i die you'll always be
in my heart
in my thoughts
and even in my prayers
because your exactly like me in so many ways
that ill never change who i am.

Current Music: Brand New- Sowing Season

so basically i've spent [spending] my summer working
and its lame i can see my friends as much as id like
but then again the staff members i work with
and the kids make it all worth while
cuz ive been thinking about it
and the kids i spend my day with
i would die for them
and i dont know what i would do
if anything would ever happen to them
and then theres the people i work with
and honestly mose of them make my day
but then there others that make me wanna snap
but all in all my summa has been prettty amazing.
i mean i $ is like a added bonus haha

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: bright eyes - we are no where

Current Music: Brand New - Jesus Christ

blah.
 blah.
 blah.
 blah.
 blah.
boys are complicated.
and i think that i really do care about one impaticulare. (i cant spell :[)
he makes me happy
when no one else can
and gives me a reason to go to school.
infact sometimes i go through a certain door in the morning
in hopes of him walking with me, leaving his girlfriend behind.
which he does do sometimes...
but it could just be cuz we'er friends.
hes a good guy and i do care about him
but i might care about him too much
to go out with him
and risk losing him
he might know i like him
he might not
but the truth is i dont want him to know i like him
i want him to be completely and uttery obvioulsiou  to me haveing feeling for him
that sir / ma'am i how much i truely care about him : /

Current Mood: sad

life is good.
other then its hotter then hell out side.
i wish i had a pool...
or a lake? ha
so im starting to think
that i have a thing for some one very colse to me.
and i dont want to like him.
i really dont.
but how can you just stop liking some one?
idk ill just have to try real hard.
because nothing good can come from me having a thing for him.
and im deff. not gonna make a move.
but if he made a move maybe.
but other then this...
life is good.

Current Music: hellogoodbye - here (in your arms)

so i <3 nature walks....
they make me happy.
a bird ate out of my hand
and a turkey was like less then a foot an a half away from me.
it was mad exciting.
i need to do that more often...
just to clean my head even. :]
today was a good day!

Current Music: Against Me! - Sink, Florida, Sink

bourgade
was amazing tonight.
it was a great time.
my bff phil finally got hear them.
and some chick threw her bra on stage?
haha it was great...
megah slaped me in the face :[ lol
and [BPC] like always did any amazing job
tearing shit up. haha
i hope its not the last bourgade show
me and phil go too:]


just because you kiss a lot, don't mean you're in love.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: alexisonfire-rough hands

maybe i will give him a chance...
maybe he is this really nice guy.
or maybe hes just saying this to make feel better.
who knows?

Current Music: Brand New- Degausser

ahhh life sucks...
but semi-better.
i still dont exsist when your around certain people,
but what more can i do.
our friendship
and all the good times
and everything we did
and all the shit that was said
and the countless times i was there for you
and you were there for me...
just went down the drain in what, a month?
its like nothing i say anymore matters.
i try to start a conversation and you laugh but dismiss everything.
how the hell does one of the best things that i have had in a while dissappear like that???
its carzy, but that just seems to be a pattern with me.
idk... ill suck it up though.
you dont even care.
well you wont care untill your besty friend shits on you <B>AGAIN</B>
then ill be your bff again like always.
cuz thats what i do.
i take shit day after day.
except from one person and i <33 him.
he says stuff but he feels really bad afterwards. its more funny than anything.
where would i be without him right now?
hes deffinatly a friend you can count on.
like vipper.
she amazing all on her own.
you saved me a couple times this year.
and i own you alot.
thank you. my dearest vipper. :]

Current Music: Chiodos - The Lover and The Liar